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yeaaaah
24 M
6 posts
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Posted on: Jul 06, 2006
Re: 34 year old Virgin!
Well, That's a tough one. I'm sure you're a nice guy, but
sometimes nice guys can seem like pushovers. So when you
meet a girl: be nice, make her feel like she is the only
person in the room, and don't let her treat you like you're
a pushover. But also, be careful to not be too forceful, or
she will get freaked out. But anyways, even if you end up
doing something really dumb and she laughs at you, just act
like it doesn't affect you and she'll be impressed. Good
luck, and keep me posted on how you're doing. I'd be happy
to give whatever advice I have.
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anonymous
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Posted on: Jul 10, 2006
Re: 34 year old Virgin!
I'm a virgin too. I've been in situations where I
definitely COULD have gone all the way, but I backed
out. I got to thinking about it and just thought myself
right out of an opportunity. Doesn't mean that I did
anything wrong, but that I didn't make a move. If I'd
let my feelings make the decision, I would have went
for it. I advise you to do what I'm doing by weeding
out that excessive self-consciousness which makes you
and me over analyze the whole dating and sex thing.
Pratically everthing you've said about yourself
applies to me too:
(shyness, depression, low
self-esteem, fairly new to drinking, not a bar or club
regular). I think that shyness is nothing more than
hesitation due to uncertainty. Self-esteem is a
decision, pure and simple. You just have to relentless
keep deciding to yourself that you are no less valuable
than anyone else alive or who as ever lived.
Funny
thing is, once I became certain that some women would
like me and some wouldn't no matter what I did, I found
myself comfortable with standing firm on what I wanted.
Instead of the "well, maybe I should go after my
league" mentality, I accepted that I was going to get
no's regardless. So that allowed me to accept rejection
and not let it get to me as much as it used too. And
once it doesn't bother me at all, I'll be in the best
shape ever to succeed.
I can now walk away from
women who try to manipulate me. And I don't feel bad
about letting them know that I don't like what they're
doing. There's nothing better than to be able to let
someone go and not feel that you have to prove yourself
to them. If she doesn't like me, that's fine, she
doesn't have to like me, and I don't have to get stuck
on her either.
As an example, I went to a club last
night, and couldn't get a dance. Went to a club on the
3rd, and this lady who I really wasn't attracted to
kept trying to grind with me. Previous to that, I went
to a club and got looked up and down because my clothes
just didn't look good enough. Girls just waved me off,
some even gave me that look like "OH MY GOD NO HE
DIDN'T WEAR THAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!" Previous to this, I
was at a club and was dancing with girls one after
another after another. Hell, I even made out with a
girl on the floor, and was grinding with a girl who's
fiance was standing on the side!!! I went to a bar on
NYE and some girls just started hitting on me and got
me to hang with them. They apparently weren't looking
for anything else, but since my love/sex radar is
always jammed, I really don't know. So that's just how
it is. You never know what you'll get.
Nowadays, I
just try to read signals as best I can, and the only
way to learn is by experience. Clubs are easy because
if a girl won't even look at you when you both are on
the floor, then you've already gotten your answer as
far as whether or not she thinks you're cute or look
like someone she'd like to dance with. That doesn't
mean that you can't say anything to her, but since it's
a dancefloor and she's not giving you signals, it'd
take some skill to get her to talk with you.
Anyway,
I just wanted to give you some advice. I don't have it
all together either. I haven't been out on a date since
2003, I've gotten rejected more times than I can
remember, but I've also made a lot of progress. It's
important to dress well. Don't underestimate that.
Girls who spend a lot of time picking out clothes,
keeping up with trends, and basically making themselves
look so good that we guys just drool. Well, they
obviously like attention, so you need to keep up. If
you can't, then do your best to look clean and
well-groomed, and to wear clothing that is at least
reasonable for the occasion. The rest will have to be
made up with charm. I'm not very charming, so I do
whatever I can to look good. It's just one way to get
my foot into the door.
Do what you can, but remember
that online dating is probably HARDER than in real
life. I just try to take advantage of whatever avenues
I can to meet women. Don't get wrapped up in online
dating/sex sites. Just do what you can with them and
keep looking elsewhere.
| Quoting tigersheart: | Yeah and
no this is not the movies! I'm 34 years old male who
has never had sex or has even gotten to 1st base with a
women... |
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